I am just trying to hide my depression. I cried in the evening,because there were lotta thoughts hurt my mind. Well,sometimes i just wanna be free from my own thoughts.
It hurts when it is your family,called you 'sot' just because they didn't know what was the reason you cry. I am so sorry to say this,but,it is getting difficult for me to express my bad feeling to them. They ask me to tell my problem,but then they would talk back to me and tell me to stop feeling stupid. See? Especially you. I supposed to respect you. But now what? Hell might be no,or will never anymore i do so.
Grandma assumps that i might have a boyfriend. My auntie told my mother i bought new SIM card to make it easier for me to stay connected with my boyfriend. What the heck are their job? Pencuri impian plus busybody tahap..entah. I still remember the morning Grandma advised me not to leave my parents if one day my dream of going to further my study to the UK comes true. She weeped,omaigod. I wasn't feeling guilty at all,she doesn't even know what is the interior intention of me,going to do that thing.
I am really hurt,for the entah keberapa kali sudah. I think i will be feeling worse like this for the rest of my life. Faking my happiness is tiring sometimes. I have imagined of how Amy Zulaiha gonna be next year. I might be quiet than usual, i might be getting secretive,unpredictable. I might go to school with 'kayu' face,as i have nothing to smile at. I might not always smile like i always do,and i know that might cause question to that people in the house.
I feel so sad. Depression always seems to get in my way, and yes,it has always always happened.
When i keep saying and keep thinking and keep imagining about a thing over and over and over,you must take it seriously. Because now i really mean my words,iaitu...
I will leave them. Titik.
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