Deen

Sometimes,i think that i really wanna leave everything,which are dunia-ish. Yes. I am serious.

I wanna delete my social web account. By Allah i swear,it has been making my life in peril. I am exposed to be accessible. Life in this world also has almost came to its end,so i think it's important to prepare myself for the next 'event'.

Begitulah bah tu konon. One time i can enjoy my lalai-ness,and then worrying about my faith. Pastu futur balik. Pastu menyesal balik. At the morning,i read a quote sounds,

' sinning makes you poor and regretting '

If i am not mistaken begitulah ayatnya berbunyi. Ya,memang betul pun. Okay,just anggap yang aku ni sepatutnya mula perbaiki diri sejak 3 tahun lalu. You know what? It's been a long time i haven't felt depressed. It should be a good news,right? But for me,sepertinya no. Entah. That's my developed trait sudah kali.

It is saddening and so sickening me to have people having high expectation on me just by my appearance. That's why i don't really in to the idea of wearing a wider hijab. I am scared that they would blame my big hijab when i make mistake or problem. My hijab is nothing to do with those thing bah.

I am not really the Amy Zulaiha that people used to know. I am getting futur,i suppose. I am not good as they might think. Appearance doesn't mean anything,but somehow appearance has a big influence,you know.

This is my biggest regret now. I am a bad girl. Bad person. Bad muslim. Truly a sinner from the past,and even until now. You can say that human are imperfect,but being always doing sins are not totally about 'human are imperfect',for me it's about ' being the captive in your own making desires'. Don't think that i am happy with my life,i can't be sure yet that Allah is satissfied with me or not.

The feeling of weak,headache,and drowning are all caused by myself. Yes,totally. I am making myself the slave in my own making desires. And then i tend to cari salah apa apa dan siapa saja that have made me like this. What kinda human am i?

Everyone hopes the best ending in drama,movie,story,and even for their life. So do i. I am terribly sorry to people that i have broken their heart with my vicious self of Amy Zulaiha.

' wahai sahabat,kelak apabila kau sudah berada disyurga,ingatlah aku yang masih berada dineraka. '